The tone in writing (First Draft)

first draft

Original: Good afternoon Amanda, I hope you’re having a great day. I was wondering if I could borrow your office for about an hour next Tuesday for a really important meeting. I normally wouldn’t ask this request of you, but your office is larger, more elegantly decorated and private than mine. Please feel free to use my desk to complete any work you may need in that time. Please let me know your thoughts and if there’s anything I can do to make you more comfortable with this plan. Thank you!

Change Formality: Hi Amanda! Quick question. Could I use your office next Tuesday for a really important meeting? I normally wouldn’t ask, but these prospective clients could bring in a lot of revenue, and since your office is larger, more elegantly decorated and private than mine, I’d like to meet there. Please feel free to use my desk in the meantime, or I could plan to have the meeting during your lunch break. Please let me know if this plan works for you. Thank you.

Change Tone: (To: Amanda; CC: Manager & Director) Good afternoon, Amanda. I hope your day is going well. I wanted to follow up on my previous request to use your office space next Tuesday for a meeting with two potential clients. Since your office is larger and located in a more secluded area of the building, I feel this location would best represent the professionalism of our company, giving us the best chance to secure this client. I appreciate you taking the time to read this email and please let me know if there’s anything I can do to make you more comfortable with this plan. I would be happy to meet with the clients during your lunch break. Thank you! (By Genelle Rog)

Original writing: Email to a colleague at the office, asking her if you can borrow her office for an hour.

Dear Dr. Mary: My name is Dr. Omo and I work in the Research and Development section of the organization, specifically in room 444. I am writing to request the use of your office to meet with the leadership of J&J to potentially sign on a huge contract for our organization. Dr. Ken in your department had mentioned the uniqueness of your office, which I also noted is larger, more private and reflects a calm ambiance of our organization. The meeting will be for an hour, from 3-4pm on Friday June 10, 2022? Kindly let me know by Monday, if I can use your office at this time. In the meantime, you can use my office during this hour. I look forward to hearing back from you. Sincerely, Omotayo


Change the formality of the original: Rewrite the email, but imagine that the two of you are good friends that socialize

Dear Mary: How are you? Remember during lunch, I mentioned the J&J contract that could mean a lot for the office. Well the reps just confirmed that they will be here next Friday from 3-4pm to potentially sign the contract. I would love to use your nice office for this meeting , which is nicer, more private and has such a calming environment. Kindly confirm, meanwhile my office is available for you at this time. I owe you that lovely macchiato coffee. Thanks as always. Omotayo


Change the tone of the original: Now imagine that this coworker has been uncooperative in the past, and you have had many disagreements with her. You have asked her once about her office, and she has not answered your email. Write a second email, still polite, but with a more insistent tone about your request.

Dear Dr. Mary: I sent an email last week (see attached) requesting the use of your office for a potential J&J contract signing. Due to the importance of the contact for all of us as an organization and the uniqueness of your office which is more private , with a calm ambiance for such an activity do let me know if this is possible. A response by Monday COB is needed, so that leadership and the J and J reps are provided the location . Be assured that your office will be returned in the exact same way we meet it and you can use my office in Room 222, during this hour. ….(Omotayo)

Original: This Friday I have an important meeting with Mr. Y from the X company. I am wondering if you could lend me your office from 3pm to 4pm? As your office is much more private than mine, I think it is appropriate to have a conversation there. I would really appreciate if you could lend it to me for an hour. I will clean up my office for you so that you could work there at that time. Please reply as soon as you see this email. Thank you!

Best Regards, May

Changed Formality: Dear May, I have a meeting with Mr. Y this Friday. Could you lend me your office from 3pm to 4pm? If you need to work you can use my office or maybe I can treat you to a good café. Please reply as soon as possible. Thanks!

Best, May

Changed the tone of original: This Friday I have an important meeting with Mr Y from the X company. This is a very important client, and it would be great if we could make a deal with him. I am wondering if you could lend me your office from 3pm to 4pm this Friday? As your office is much more private than mine, I think it is appropriate to have a conversation there. I would really appreciate if you could lend it to me for an hour. I am sorry it will cause you some inconvenience, but please know that I am thinking about the profit of the whole company. Please reply as soon as possible. Thank you very much!

Best Regards, May

Original: Hello Jean, I was wondering if you would be so kind as to allow me to borrow your office space for an hour tomorrow, stretching 12:45 – 1:45. I have an important meeting with Roxanne Balestrieri and my office is far too small and disorganized to host a meeting. I would greatly appreciate it if this works out.

Informal: Hey Jean, could I use your office space tomorrow at 12:45 to 1:45? Roxanne from the finance department is coming to my office for a review and Jamie next door is always way too loud when he works… Let me know if this is okay with you, and if you’re interested we can grab some lunch out together someday this week, my treat.

Slightly angry/ Annoyed: Just following up on my last email, would I be able to borrow your office tomorrow at 12:45 – 1:45? As I’ve mentioned before, my office isn’t exactly the optimal place to host a meeting and Roxanne from the finance department wanted to talk about some things in person. Please get back to me as soon as possible…….(By S Fields)

Original: Dear Jane, I am writing to request for a space in your office tomorrow between 9-10 a.m for a crucial meeting. I have a visual interview scheduled with my prospective graduate school coordinator for the teaching assistant role I applied for. Currently, I share an office among other colleagues and this would not offer me the privacy needed for the interview. Then again, your office would offer me better comfort because it is more furnished than mine. I will be grateful if you approve my request. Best regards, Andy.

Changed Formality: Hey, Jane. I hope you don’t mind if I use your office for a meeting tomorrow from 9-10 a.m. My interview is coming up tomorrow morning and I plan to use your office during that period. My decision to use your office is relating to it’s privacy and comfort. Your office looks better than mine and you don’t share your office with three other colleagues like me. I know you will allow me use your office, so, see you tomorrow. Thanks. Andy.

Changed Tone: Hello, Miss Jane. I know how busy your inbox might be, so just a kind reminder of the previous email I sent. I am highly in search of a meeting space so I am writing to ask if you could lend me your office for an hour meeting tomorrow. I have an important zoom meeting with my proposed graduate coordinator about a teaching assistant role. I am requesting to make use of your personal office in order to avoid distractions from colleagues in my office. Thank you for your kind consideration and i look forward to your response. Best regards. Andy,…….( Omeje)

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